Cavalier

Does it every annoy you to meet someone that isn’t confused?  Have you ever met someone that was completely confident in all their assertions?  When I was a boy, it seemed to me that adults knew things.  They didn’t believe things they knew them.  They didn’t seem confused about life to my eyes then, but it was a farce.  The things I was sure of when I was a boy, I am unsure of now.  Odd how deeper knowledge of the world brings not “enlightenment” but an obfuscation.  As I continue to learn about life will I eventually cross through the nebula and find some clear air, where I can rest assured of something?  Or will deeper knowledge always lead to deeper confusion?  Will I just become set in my ways one day when I’m in my 30’s or 40’s?

There are a lot of subjects in life that I’ve adopted a cavalier attitude about.  Most of these subjects are polarizing ones: Christianity & religion-in-general, gay rights, relationships, abortion, politics, etc.  I’m afraid I’ve become something of an “Idea Hipster”.  I rarely agree with the mainstream perspectives on any subject, and I constantly find myself off in the margin.  It’s an alienating feeling.  The most polarizing issues in our society tend to be very, very complex.  How could 314 million (US) people possibly come up with only two different sides?  Everyday I become a little more frustrated with “Bumper Sticker” politics, theology, and ideas-in-general.  There is literally no perspective about life that can be boiled down to fit comfortably into a pithy phrase or quote, but people want to live simple lives and keep clean ideas in their minds.  People want blanket solutions to complex problems, and poetic answers to cosmic questions.

The problem, perhaps, is that people aren’t using their imagination.  Is it a new problem?  I don’t know.  Maybe we’ve all stopped using our imagination and allowed the internet, TV and radio to imagine things for us.  Or maybe the world has always been full of people who have never had their paradigms challenged, and have never had to wade through an uncomfortable shift in their perspective.  Shifts in perspective are always uncomfortable, because they don’t often arrive in the form of revelations or epiphanies, but through slow labor and mulling.  It is an aversion to pain and change that keeps men and women from using their imagination, to placing themselves in the positions of others.  Truthfully, though I decry their stubbornness, I understand it completely.  And I do not think I could, in good conscience, ask someone to go through the pain of change, even if that is what is necessary for everyone’s health and sanity. Why? Because, perhaps ironically, I don’t think I would like that myself.  Change is such a voluntary and internal process that even the slightest challenge to a persons point-of-view can cause him/her to go into lock-down mode.

If there did exist a single phrase that could sum up the solution to the all the world’s problems, I think it would be this: “Love Your Neighbor as Yourself”.

Advertisements

To satiate my current hunger for Audrey Hepburn films, I watched Roman Holiday and Sabrina over the last two nights.  I very much enjoyed Roman Holiday.  It resonated with me for some reason. Sabrina, not so much.  Still a decent film, but the first half of the film is surprisingly frustrating to watch.

Anyhow,

There is so much to do, and so little time.  Still, the harder I push for something in life the faster I burn out.  Sometimes I wonder if I won’t be struggling against the tide for my entire life, reach the end, and have nothing to show for my troubles.  This is probably my greatest fear – to put all this energy into creating something, to pour out everything and find that it wasn’t enough.  I think of how pointless life is if luck is the only thing that will determine success.  I try not to fall into that line of thought, however.  Far too cynical, defeatist.  If I find that I cannot enjoy something – if I’m so focused on the final product, I stop.

Finding joy in the process of things lowers the risk of it all being for nothing.

 

Cynicism

Living next to a city isn’t very fun when the few friends you have don’t ever go outside.  There is so much to see and do – museums, aquariums, memorials, landmarks, concerts, plays, etc.  The more time I spend being a hermit in my room, the dimmer and more dreary my life grows.  Sometimes I just go out alone and see what there is to see, but I rarely enjoy it much.  I don’t like spending that much time with my own mind.  Thinking too much – being far too stoic – is a real problem for me.  The more time I spend with my own mind, the more likely I am to lead myself down a dreary path. I have an inner-slant towards cynicism.

Cynicism is a poison.  I could write for hours about the negative effects of cynicism in my life.  It so heavily influences day-to-day decisions and attitudes that it can spread rot over every part your life when left unchecked.  Letting cynicism reign free is like never cleaning your teeth – people will start falling out of your life…just like your teeth would if you didn’t brush them.  

Anywho, tonight on the roster is Roman Holiday, Hepburn’s first big film!  I’m gonna sit down with a cool glass of gin, fill out job applications, and watch this film.

 

 

Why are weights so heavy!?

I’ve got a few sets of dumbbells sitting in the trunk of my car – up to a pair of 35 lbs.  I should really carry them up to my apartment, but they are oh-so-very heavy.  Unfortunately, I live on the third floor of my apartment, which is not equipped with an elevator.  I’d like the meet the engineers who decided that creating a multi-story building without an elevator was a good idea.  Aren’t elevators required by law for handicap accessibility or something?  Whatever.  I don’t know why I’m paying so much for this place.  Harken unto me!  Change will be coming soon.

I spent this past weekend getting my hands on a bunch of classic Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly films.  I amassed quite a number of them – enough to keep me watching for the rest of the semester, most probably.

On a different note, here is great song, performed live, from the new Young the Giant album: